All my life I was known as a sunshine to my friends, the girl who was either endlessly smiling or humorously bitching about people, life and everything in between. I felt optimistic and happy in a crowd, I trusted people too easily, loved too much, maybe too often genuinely caring and worrying about those who I considered 'friends'.
Lately though, it seems like everything I believed in is being proven wrong, things like love, faith, goodness in human nature, compassion, gratitude. Am I too much of a hippie, have I been too naive to believe that destinies and fate exist? That love will always win in the end? That people can change, slowly but surely, because self-improvement should always be a lifelong goal? That working together means mutual respect for each other? That gratitude for people who genuinely care for you is an inherent feeling? That friendship is precious?
It's like, something's telling me to wake up and be more realistic. That reality is all about survival, and the only way to survive is to be egoistic, cold-hearted, jaded and pessimistic about everything and everyone around you. It's all about bringing other people down so you can be the only one on top. Hurt everyone else before someone hurts you.
I don't want to be like that 30-something woman who laughed at my Winnie the Pooh notebook on my first day of work because she had lost the ability to feel happy about insignificant, small, cute things and preferred to have a 'serious and strict' appearance. I don't want to be that 50-something woman who felt that she should compare herself to younger girls who could've been her daughters just to make herself feel better. I don't want to be bitter as I grow older.
But it seems inevitable when you're surrounded by the generation of the jaded, by people who betray you just to make themselves look better, by people who don't seem to appreciate you, and by people who are just fucking negative all the fucking time.
Fuck, growing up's a bitch.
I've got the bombs to make you blow / the beats to it bang
Cendol terrorist. Aspiring henna artist. Ink addict. Raksasa. Indecisive. Roars when buttons are pushed. Nocturnal. Bed lover. Flip flops. Messy hair. Born in Sabah, in Europe for the past decade. Loves to eat, crawl under the sheets, smoke in rain, sleep at the beach.
Quiet down I need to make a sound
Forever young
Trust Me it is possible to grow up without losing the good side :D
ReplyDeleteI'm an example of that :D I still feel like a fifteen year old even after "growing" up physically. Still the same Rock and Roll loving Head banger sticking my pointer and pinky finger in the air.
You see life is about survival yes but more on keeping your true self alive. Trust me if you keep at it long enough you can make it by being yourself.
I guess a little bit of the Secret is true... that the universe make things happen by mere thought and that like minded people will be drawn to you :D
I had a hard time as well at first but after awhile people accepted who I am :D Brick walls are there to keep people who don't want it enough out :D
Sorry for the long comment but I hate to see another good and unique person join the boring corporate rat race and lose their true self...
growing up is awesome!
ReplyDeleteI am a positive person who is always improving myself. Sure there are bad days but i just keep pushing no matter the odds and at the end of the day things seems to work out for me.
ReplyDeleteI believe in values like compassion,love,faith,gratitude and yes in the end of the day loves wins.
And I believe in Karma you know the what goes around comes around, do bad things get bad things in life do good things get good things in life.
Egoistic,cold hearted and jaded, pessimitic about everything and everyone is a combination of poisonous source both in your work and life.
Most often when making a decision based on your ego you often make the wrong decision.
You decide what you want to be.Like Bruce Lee said "As you thinks, so shall you become".
One word of advice is to stay away from those negative people as much as possible.
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" 30-something woman who laughed at my Winnie the Pooh notebook on my first day of work because she had lost the ability to feel happy about insignificant, small, cute things and preferred to have a 'serious and strict' appearance. 50-something woman who felt that she should compare herself to younger girls who could've been her daughters just to make herself feel better. I don't want to be bitter as I grow older."
Isn't that a thread of an unsecured woman. :LOL:
Besides life has it's ups and downs it's not all peaches and cream all the time.
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