The end.

I'm tired, I'm broken.

1 1/2 years in KL have been nothing but new experiences for me.

Meeting new people, experiencing the working life, going throught the bad things. Except that the bad things seem to overweigh the good things.

For the 11 years that I was brought up overseas, I've hardly encountered this much stress as I did here. Sometimes I think, why did I want to come back again? Do the short bursts of happiness really justify the negativity that affect me here?

In KL I've met people who I welcomed in my life as friends, whom I love with all my heart, but lately I've found out they're nothing but a bunch of back bitching folks, those who act friendly in front of my face but talk shit about me behind my back. Saying things like I'm a bitch, I'm completely demanding, unreasonable, even to the point where they have nothing else to say, they'd say ridiculous things like how I hang out with 'ugly people' to make myself feel better. Do you think I wouldn't find out in the end? KL's small, what you say and do will come back to you. You can spread things about me, you can back-bitch about me all you want, but at the end of the day it'll just reflect on what kind of person you are. Exaggerrate about my character all you want, hurt me all you want, pretend to be my friend, but your true colors will show. I found out about that the hard way. If you have a problem with me, do let me know, let's solve this together, don't pretend to be my friend, don't say everything's a-okay but then when I'm not there, I'll be the topic that you bitch about. Funniest thing is, these people seem to bitch about everyone, even their own best friends, as if it were the others who are crazy, not them... does it make you feel good about yourself when you bring your own friends down? Does it fulfill your ego?

It's hard to find a true friend in this small city of a developing country, where people just seem to care about glamor, being out with the 'cool people', having a pretty/hot/handsome/rich lover. People think you're easy to get, people spread rumors cause of jealousy or insecurit or just plain selfishness. People step on you and stab you from the back just for a career advancement. People want more than just honest, caring friendship. People seem to push their butts in where their asses aren't needed or desired. People want more and more of you, when you have nothing left for yourself. They just suck you dry, use and abuse you. They pretend everything's okay when they'd waste no time in talking shit about you in your absence.

Sometimes I think, why did my heart want to come back here again? Go against my family's wishes, go through life the hard way, being alone here - and all I get in return is this. Sometimes I feel, the only way to survive is to be cold hearted, a back stabber, egoistic, be an ass kisser, a rumor monger,uncaring, hedonistic, selfish.

A true friend is.. just really rare here.