Lately, I've been feeling it's too late

Lately I've been thinking and dreaming a lot about my family. Maybe there's this invisible thread that binds my heart to those of my loved ones, and the bigger the distance between us, the thicker the thread will be - mine is probably as thick as a cable car rope, and it pumps into my heart and my head the memories, the words, the voices of my mom, sister, grandmother.

I remember when I was really young, every time my mom had to travel I would dream of her at night. Somehow it was always the same dream, the same story line, albeit in different settings - in the end she would always leave me, and I would cry and run after her, but I could never catch up with the vehicle that she was in. I've always had a fear of losing someone whom I love, and whenever I had this dream, the 5-year-old me would wake up with real tears on her face.

Lately I've been thinking about my childhood a lot, like the smell of Nivea cream in my mom's room, like smelling my grandma's sarongs, like the balcony of my grandma's old bungalow.

Lately I've been imagining how great it would be to rewind the time, to visit the old places I used to run around in when I was small. Our old house, the old bungalow, my dad's place, my grandparents' place by the beach, the apartment in Brunei.

Lately I've been missing the safety I had when I was a child.